Saturday, June 5, 2010

Luxury Cigarettes: If You're Going To Smoke, You Might As Well Smoke The Best

Today The Rich Snob is going to tell you a little bit about luxury cigarettes. "But Rich Snob... I don't smoke!", you say. Well that's alright chap, there's plenty of time to start, or you can purchase these fine cigarettes for one of your betters. Perhaps you can give them as a gift to your driver or man-servant, or simply allow them their rightful place as a conversation piece upon your mantle.

Let's face it, if you're out in the many jungles of Africa hunting endangered beasts (and if The Rich Snob is hunting them, they're practically extinct before the barrel is loaded), are you going to put your faith in an inferior form of firepower? Would you want a rather feminine (yet distinguished) pistol, or would you want something to truly put the fear of man into those reckless bongos?

Smoking is a lot like hunting.  Only instead of courting nature's most fearsome and prized denizens, you are courting a moment of smooth pleasure, won for man as a result of his uncontested dominance of the tobacco plant.  There are indeed risks...  The Rich Snob wants to help you avoid these risks.  Perhaps you've seen those warnings being placed all over your hitherto favorite brand of "man over nature", and wondered to yourself if it truly was safe to smoke.  Well, my friend...  The solution at first seems clear: Avoid buying those cigarettes carrying their anti-tobacco propaganda labels meant for the more common man.  They are, after-all, hard on the eyes, and even on the nerves of those who cultivate a more "sensitive" persona. Why mar up a perfectly good pack with a pessimistic statement about all the negative health impacts you had better manifest if you choose to partake in one of man's most cherished activities?

Unfortunately, my friends, the anti-smoking propaganda machine has upgraded the gears on it's mechanical turk and it is passing for sanity rather than a self-fulfilling doom prophecy trying to hone in on your good times. In other words, you will be hard-pressed to find a tobacco merchant these days who does not collaborate apply those  government required warnings, and The Rich Snob does advise you to follow rather than circumvent your local laws. Besides, that bribe money can be used for more important battles.  So, what is a gentleman of refined taste and a positive disposition to do in the face of this insult?

The Rich Snob says, "If you're already set on purchasing a product that carries dire warnings to your health, it's time to stress quality over quantity!" So with that in mind, here is the finest in luxury tobacco products:

Treasurer. These are absolutely the finest (and most expensive) brand of cigarettes you are likely to have the good fortune of being able to acquire. Touted as "the most expensive cigarettes in the world", they are made by the (quite renowned and delightfully British) Chancellor Tobacco company. At around $32 USD per pack, they should easily fit into the budget of any true tobacco connoisseur. In fact, one might argue, these cigarettes are simply not exclusive enough, until one discovers that in all of North America, there is but a single distributor available, and one is hard pressed to find these anywhere outside of New York city. As one might expect even the packaging is beautiful, and the cigarettes themselves carry a presence fit for monarchy.

Djarum. An Indonesian blend of tobacco and cloves coming in a variety of attractive flavors. For a luxury cigarette these are downright cheap. At around $9 USD per pack, you'll be getting a stylish cigarette for the same price as a cheap Canadian piss-stick. These cigarettes went from relatively unknown to relatively unheard of during the legal maneuvers of the FDA in America resulting in a ban on their sale. Many tobacco enthusiasts believed this was a political move designed to protect Phillip Morris and other less refined manufacturers (see: YouTube for added amusement). Last The Rich Snob heard Djarum were still being sold in America as "small cigars" instead of cigarettes at a number of rather common shops. Djarum has demonstrated their truly is no excuse for the educated smoker to continue to support such overpriced low-quality brands that abound at the local newsagent. Djarum are available online quite readily from any number of retailers, and with their low price and increasing popularity, should not be too difficult to find locally, as well.

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